insomnia be gone

I have been dealing with a type of insomnia linked to anxiety for years and years now. I have tried everything from waking up at 5:30 every morning, to prescription medicine, natural supplements, tea, and just not sleeping until i collapse. For the past 5 years, i have used medicine to fall asleep every night. I have occasionally tried to skip the medicine, and on those days, I do not sleep and make myself ill from exhaustion. 9 nights ago, I was angry. I was laying in bed, about to take medicine and I was so angry I could have punched someone. I couldn’t believe that I had to spend all this money and time and concentration on something ta ht other people were able to do automatically. i was angry that my body had been designed to need sleep, and yet it was denying sleep to me. And then, it hit me. HARD. I didn’t have to have insomnia. I have prayed that the Lord would lift this from me before. I have several faithful and beautiful friends that have prayed that the Lord would lift this from me. My husband prays about it constantly. What I realized 9 nights ago is that i have all power and authority in heaven and on earth through Jesus Christ and I can tell this insomnia to leave. So, I did. I told it to go, to leave my body and to leave my home. To not attach itself to anything on the way out and that I asked our sweet savior to fill the places that the insomnia had left, so that there would be no room for it should it come sniffing back around. and friends, the sleep i have been getting is so beautiful. I fall asleep now as soon as I go to bed. I don’t worry. My mind is just at peace as I fall asleep praising my Daddy for this miracle. I am beyond blessed by Him. I was talking to my dad about all of this this morning and He was saying for sometimes, just resting in the Lord is the answer. This is definitely true. In this case, it was be assured of the power and authority that Christ had given me when I received His free gift of life. He is so good and kind to us, friends. The gifts that He has given us surpass what we know how to receive. So that is  what I am praying today, friends. that we will know how to, and want to, receive every good and perfect gift from above. amen.

 

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

Matthew 7:9-11

psalm 99

1^(A) The LORD reigns;^(B) let the peoples tremble!
   He^(C) sits enthroned upon the cherubim;^(D) let the earth quake!
2The LORD is^(E) great in Zion;
   he is^(F) exalted over all the peoples.
3Let them praise your^(G) great and awesome name!
   ^(H) Holy is he!
4^(I) The King in his might^(J) loves justice.^[a]
   You have established equity;
you have executed justice
   and righteousness in Jacob.
5^(K) Exalt the LORD our God;
   ^(L) worship at his^(M) footstool!
   ^(N) Holy is he!

 6^(O) Moses and Aaron were among his^(P) priests,
   Samuel also was among those who^(Q) called upon his name.
   They^(R) called to the LORD, and he answered them.
7In^(S) the pillar of the cloud he spoke to them;
   they^(T) kept his testimonies
   and the statute that he gave them.

 8O LORD our God, you answered them;
   you were^(U) a forgiving God to them,
   but^(V) an avenger of their wrongdoings.
9Exalt the LORD our God,
   and worship at his^(W) holy mountain;
   for the LORD our God is holy!

beloved murderer

Two days ago in the prayer room, I walked in to see that it was empty except for 3 homeless men. Two of them were sitting facing the third, who was standing in the middle and back, evangelizing to them. He was telling stories of his life before God saved him from it. The man before me was crying as he confessed to murder, demonic spirits that he had invited into his life, drugs, and a life lived to be number one. It was easy to visualize this strange, tearful, dark black man behind a pulpit. He was glowing with God news. I was confused as to why I wasn’t afraid of this self confessed murderer, but instead felt a kinship with him. He was crying so hard as he told us that he had been sober for 18 months, and worked as a janitor for a small church. as he told us of his brothers murder that brought him to his knees and made him see his great need for Jesus. I hugged him, and as I did, the shocking thought ran through my head ” i am hugging a murderer.” and then a knew a second of panic. Not because I felt him unsafe now, but because he didn’t fit in the box of what I think my brothers should look like. I wanted to write about this experience ever since it happened, but the Lord blocked me. The post would have been all about how this man was a murderer, instead of how this man was a beloved creation, made in the image of the most high God, a functioning member of my very own body, bringing glory to our King and Father. I praise our God who chooses to defeat the lines of race, social standing, wealth, and denomination, so that we might look at one another in love and acceptance. Valuing one another, and learning from one another. He is so good and kind to save a wretched sinner like me, and to make His teachers and disciples from beloved murderers.

amen.

ms. becki

Met the Lord again, today. This time he was a woman named becki with an “i”, outside of goodwill who looked sick. i asked if she was okay, or if she needed anything. she said she was just waiting for her daughter to come pick her up, but that she wasn’t planning on coming for her for another 2 hours. I offered for her to use my cell phone to call and see if her daughter could come early. I sat and waited with her, offering her an extra bottle of water I had and an opportunity to tell me her story. That was all it took, she was practically glowing as she told me that her high school sweet heart had gotten a hold of her after 40 years and he wanted to marry her. time and circumstances (him leaving for the military, her getting pregnant during their separation) had kept the divided line strong between them. She was married at 16 to her children’s dad and spent a number of unhappy years with him. they separated and she never remarried. she did, however, have several health issues and turned to the Lord in her illness. she let herself go, and forgot that she was worth anybodies time until her high school sweetheart, Chris, found her again. She is now 54 years old, has lost 50 pounds and is eagerly awaiting her wedding day on october 6th. This woman didn’t have any money to speak of, had a lot of health problems, and tears in her eyes as she told me about God’s kindness to her, preserving hers and Chris’ love for one another despite the mistakes of youth. and my heart is breaking with love for her. Friends, i have always thought that money was the answer to helping those down on their luck, but because of our great King’s patience with me, I am beginning to see that is time spent with those less fortunate that is the most valuable to them. So as I sat outside goodwill, with the pavement burning my rear, I offered up a prayer of thanks to Him who purposes His love through community, and who lets me see His face everytime I ask. i urge you, spend time with someone who does not look like you, who does not dress like you, or live like you. spend time searching their beautiful faces and honoring the Holy One who resides inside of them. He is so good and kind to allow us to see Him, all we have to do friends, is look.

Your Face

Let me see Your face,

Let me see Your face,

I would rather die

Then to ever live without You.

I see Your glory

and Your beauty

Your peace which surrounds me

You are holy

You are holy

I want to be lost in You…

Let me see Your face,

Let me see Your face,

I would rather die

then to ever live without You.

What does He look like?

I went to the prayer room today and prayed for a long time that the Lord would let me see His face. that His eyes would pierce mine. Every time I pray this prayer, He always let me see it right away, or in this case as I was waiting at a stop light to get onto 277. He took the form of a white woman this time, in her late 50’s, with a broken back and poor motor skills. she was in a wheelchair, not asking for money, but for food. Her name was Ms. Gene and she had a lot of miscarriages at one time, but then she gave birth to her pride and joy- a sweet baby girl named Laura. She beamed as she told me that the miracle that held her together was not Christ’s death, but the fact that He is alive. As I see more and more folks with out homes, I am more and more convinced that THIS is where Christ dwells. That His face is broken and lovely. That His heart is simplistic, glorying in a bride who will tell a stranger that He is alive, and present. Oh, Jesus, it is my prayer that you show me Your face in every way. That you break my heart with what breaks yours, and fill my heart with love and longing for the things that You love and long for. I love you. amen.

My friend, James

I met the Lord today in the form of my new friend, James. James is a black man in his late 40’s/early 50’s. He was asking for money on Tyvola, next to Sam Ash just as I was going to that Wachovia to deposit my paycheck. I asked the Lord, and he said to give James the gift of my time and attention. We went to that subway right there and got him a foot long sandwhich, some cookies, and a cold drink. I thought that he’d be eating, but when we sat down, he didn’t. we just started talking. After a bit I asked why he wasn’t eating, and he said it was his plan to bring this foot-long back to his girlfriend and 4 kids. I asked him to eat as much as he wanted and told him I’d get another one for them. he tore into that food hungrily, not having time for words, as i sat there amazed. James was obviously on drugs, and not quite all there, but he decided to feed his girlfriend and kids while he was incredibly hungry. I stared at his face (as politely as I could) while he ate. He was very thin and walk with a very pronounced limp. He was missing all of his front teeth, and what few teeth he had left were rotted- and i saw such beauty. my heart was captured by this lovely creation of our King. and friends, i learned so much in that moment. i learned that if i pushed my judgement and fear aside, the Lord was willing and waiting to assault me with the beauty of his creation. I learned that just as James did not hesitate to accept my gift of food, that neither should i hesitate to accept every good and lovely thing that our great King had for me. I learned that while it may be easier to accept the Holy one dwelling in folks like me, it is far more valuable and humbling to admire it in folks like my new friend, James. The Lord didn’t release me to pray out loud with my new friend, but I left him with a promise that I would be praying for him continually. please join me, brothers and sisters, and lift James before the throne. I will be praying that he is able to see the glory of the Lord in himself, just as the Lord enabled me to do. Praise His holy name, forever and ever, amen.

rewritten

this is 1 kings 8:57-61, rewritten

 

May the Lord our God be with us,

May He never fail nor forsake us.

May He turn our hearts to Him, to walk in all His ways

and may these words, which i have prayed before the Lord,

be near to His heart day and night, that He may uphold the cause of His servant,

and the cause of His people, Renovatus, according to each and every days needs-

so that all of the world may know that THE LORD IS GOD and that there is NO OTHER.

Let us make our hearts fully committed to the Lord our God,

to live by is commands,

and to be fully saturated by His great and mighty love for us.

Amen.

steady drum

i am listening to the steady drum of the Lord’s fingertips as they tap out a rhythm of love upon my heart.

the song He plays is neither fast or slow,

but both,

 as it intertwines its miraculous melody so seamlessly through my life.

i am waiting to know,

with both anxious excitementand fearful trepidation,

when the day of our God is coming upon me in perfect completion.

I am looking for, and receiving, his promises as they unfold daily.

i am just a little girl in a borrowed tu-tu spinning gracelessly and beautifully for my audience of One,

my Abba Father,

as He smiles encouragement and cautions me not to dance from His view.

He eventually closes His smile lined eyes and just feels my enthusiasm and love for Him.

He breathes in deep and exhales His pleasure,

all the while He drums out a steady beat of love upon my heart with His fingertips.

The beginning of the beginning

It’s humbling to think that anyone might want to share in your life.

My reasons for starting this account are purely because the Lord is good to me. That He has shown me such incredible kindness and compassion that i can not help but to share it.

also, everyone’s doing it, and i give in to christian peer pressure. thats right, i once owned a wwjd? braclet. i apologize. It’s my prayer that the Lord will inspire me to write what He has for me to write, and to block me from filling this blog with empty words. Speaking of which, gotta run.

Love,

Little meghan